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Diary of an immortal XIDiary of an immortal XINovember 7thAs I turn my head, I am beginning to notice that all around me seems unconnected. Each thing that catches my gaze, exists in separation to all that surrounds it. My focus is drawn to each individual object. My world dissolves apart and is staggered and flowing not. All the moments that once would be peaceful and seamless with a complete and beautiful harmony, now unravel while screaming and singing their loneliness and desperation to me.The stability of even the earth beneath my feet, boils and cavorts with every attempted step I take. I am knocked backwards and sideways and I am left reeling from the devastation that assails me. The dreamlike apparitions of my life assault my senses and cause the deepest of anguishes to flood my veins.The detachment that is forced upon me, takes my breath so that I find myself gasping every so often, floundering helplessly and drowning from the very air that finally fills me. I try to swallow these fee
Diary of an immortal XDiary of an immortal XOctober 3rdSometimes I see things with such bewildering clarity. That which has been hidden from me for so long can suddenly become mortally transparent. The twists that curl so unwelcome, so unbidden thro my mind, settle and as they do fresh insights reveal themselves unto me.I have for too long now, guarded the true depths of what twists around inside of me. It is in its most simplest form, a mere attempt at self-preservation.But when I consider the sheer impact on such affirmations upon me and all that surrounds, I often find that it is by far easier to just allow my instincts to take precedence. Any other choice as I have so often found, leads tragically to an inevitable and all too destructive path.It is true that I have flirted with these alternatives many times in my life here on this earth, but I always find myself returning to familiar and safe grounds.Yet I find that I have been fortunate to attempt and survive such directions as that I have taken
Diary of an immortal IXDiary of an immortal IXSeptember 1stThe true horror of my loss haunts me constantly these days. I know not why this should be so, but it drives my life nevertheless. My days have become a waking nightmare while my nights.
they are impossible to describe with anything even approaching what I actually suffer.It is hard for me to know which is worse at times, for in the day, my world is laid before me in a cold and stark reality. It is hard to ignore the malady that tears thro my body when the daylight reveals all around me. All that reminds me of her is right there, all surrounding. I am compelled to thoughts of her. I would have hoped that my memories would be ones that offer me solace by now. But they do not, instead all I feel is the emptiness that remains, the loneliness....my most profound grief.I oft see glimpses of her, reminders of our life as it once was, pass teasingly before me. It feels so real to me as if I could reach out and touch her, hold her once more. It is t
Diary of an immortal - VIIIDiary of an immortal - VIIIAugust 4thIsolation. It fills my hours, and tears apart my days now. My weeks have lost all meaning to me.There was a time when I would rejoice in such solitude, but as I watch others around me receive the favour of their peers, it does cause me to question loyalties and motives.It is very plain to see, at least it is to one such as I, that there are those surrounding that demand more favour
expect more favour. I find this sickens my stomach that fair treatment is not shared out with full equality, that despite my protests, despite pointing out how unfair their designs have been, still yet they do their will. Unbending and blinkered, with not even the slightest thought they make their decisions behind closed walls
there are no doors to see.Although this at first hurts, at first causes anger and frustration, it is all I have ever come to expect. It is all I have seen for so many years now. I can not see any time that this will change soon. Folk
Hand me-downs and cast-asides....Hand me-downs and cast-asidesThe closer that we are dearThe further that I'm drawnDeep into your spell dearAnd I just want to drownFrom deepest wild intentionsTo the whispered tender kissBut no matter what we doI step willing to the trystYou always bewilder meOf that I will confideMy head comes to just these thingsHand me-downs and cast-asidesThe more I learn about youThe less I know myselfBut when the moments turn to madnessI am lost and somewhere elseYou're always in my thoughtsI'm forever in your debtWith exactly how you move meEvery tear and smile and breathYou always bewilder meOf that I will confideMy head comes to just these thingsHand me-downs and cast-asidesThere is no word without youI've tried to tell you soBut all my worlds seem pointlessI can't carry them no moreSometimes I feel so helplessI know not where to turnYet thro my darkest hoursFor you I will still yearnYou always bewilder meOf that I will confideMy head comes to just these thin